Heyy guys! What’s gwan?
So, during my extended easter holiday, I had an idea to create a small theme box for myself, so that I don’t get stuck on deciding on what to write when I have to.
Today, I picked “Non fiction”. And honestly, I don’t know where to start from or what experience to recount. I’m a bit distracted. This week has been crayyyzeee! So let me just be real with you guys.
On Monday, I woke up with this strong prompt to pray for myself. At that moment, I didn’t really know exactly why I felt that way. Praying in the morning isn’t something new for me but there was this different feel about that day.
Well, I recently just discovered why my soul was craving for prayers. It seemed God just knew my week was gonna be rusty and he wanted me to sanctify myself. Trust me when i say that I’ve had it up to here for just four days into a damn week. I’ve worn a torn face from hearing some very disappointing things. I’ve walked out of certain things and from certain beings. I’ve had major insomnia from thinking too much. My email inbox is filled with a lot of rejected entries and I am somewhere in between losing myself and finding a new motivation.
This is not the first time I’m having a down time. The very few people who know me can tell that I’m a softie on the inside sometimes. I know I’m savage and all at times but when I’m angry or frustrated—I cry bitterly! God knows, I don’t know how to pretend to be okay. Crying doesn’t actually solve my problems, it’s just my way of relieving pain.
For serious, I think the Monday prayer got me injected with a new attitude. You can call me crazy for saying this but I know what I’m experiencing. There’s something different about my recent mood.
“Have you ever been so angry that all you end up doing is laughing. Like, you’re so dead angry, you wanna discharge that anger, and yeah you’re darn serious about it, but when you try to do that, you get yourself into a weird laughing session.”
Honestly, this is happening to me. At first, I thought I was sick but looking back at myself, I actually am not. I’m okay, I’m very much complete in the head. I’m not sick, I am just armed! That monday prayer and all subsequent ones have kept me caged with my senses. The normal me will lose it but the me I’m seeing isn’t and I’m thankful for that.
A friend of mine told me that i am just simply transitioning. All praise to God! Only HE can do this. Transitioning or no, there’s an extra thing that I see from over here. And I’m gonna hold unto it because I want to have a testimony to share with you guys soon!
Yes! This is me wishing you love and long lasting happiness. Cheers!